I've been thinking a lot lately about kindness. For many reasons, this has come up in my train of thought many times in the last month or so. I recently finished a book, "Wonder" by RJ Palacio, which is definitely worth the read. It's a YA novel, so it's a quick read, but it's a really great story about a middle-school kid's ability to rise above the negativity in his life and share his own kindnesses wherever he goes. One of my favorite quotes from the book is that we should all "Be Kinder Than Is Necessary." I guess I could say that this is my new mantra. And sometimes, it is difficult to be kind, and even more difficult to be kinder than is necessary.
In case you didn't already know, I am a very sarcastic, sometimes (ok, often) snarky person, and so it's hard for me to just keep it to myself and be kind. But, where is the line between being myself, and trying to be a kinder person? Being kind is different than just being nice. It's not just paying a compliment where one is deserved. It's not just sticking up for the kid who's being bullied. Being kind includes doing all of those things, but it also means going beyond the necessary. But, what does it mean? How can I be a kinder person in my everyday life? How can I help others to see that being kind is worth it, but being mean is not?
What are we all doing to move toward being kinder than is necessary?
Last Saturday, I had both girls with me at Meijer (I know, I'm a bit crazy sometimes, but we needed a few things). We all three were sporting our Purdue gear. I was waiting for my (free) Pumpkin Spice Latte at the Starbucks kiosk when this lady behind me says to Hunter "Oh, do you have your Notre Dame shirt on?" (she could only see that the shirt was gold, as Hunter had a coat on). I laughed and said "No, we're all ready to Boiler Up this afternoon!" The lady then proceeded to tell my daughters that "your mother is stupid, and someday, you'll come around and realize that Notre Dame is the best" (ok, probably not verbatim, but you get the idea). Needless to say, I was more than a little put-off by this very inappropriate display of meanness. I thanked the kind woman at Starbucks (who was more than a little flustered that her register wasn't working), smiled at the mean lady, took my latte and my cart full of babies & groceries, and walked out to my car. I have spent the ensuing four days thinking of snappy, snarky comebacks for this woman. But you know what? Why should I be a bitch too? Just because someone is mean to me (and my kids, might I add), why should I be brought down to her level? I am actually very proud of myself that I set a good example for my girls by turning the other cheek, smiling at her, and walking out of the store without telling her off. I am NOT proud of the fact that I'm still stewing about it. Can't we all just be a little kinder to each other?
*I'd like to add that my kids were sitting very quietly in the cart, entertaining themselves, even after a two-hour playdate at the train museum, being woken up by me to take them IN to the store, and another 1/2 hour in the store.
Seriously. Just be nice.
I'm working on it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Gotta Love This Life...
I have a deep, dark secret, which most of my friends and family already know, so I guess it's not much of a secret really... I have a 9-month old. No, that's not the secret. She is beautiful and smart and makes us laugh every day. She loves to smile and giggle, and she watches everything! No, that's not the secret, either. Hunter absolutely, without fail, will NOT sleep through the night. There. I finally admitted it. I know, it's shocking.
Lena will beg to go to bed at 7pm, and sleep soundly until I have to rouse her at 6:30am for daycare. She takes 2-hour naps AT DAYCARE, and still is asleep almost every night by 7:30pm. She has been a very easy, heavy sleeper since day 1. Literally, we had to wake her up to feed her!
Hunter. NOT. SO. MUCH. We feed her anything she will eat (which is pretty much anything), at dinner, then get her a bottle before bed. I rock and feed her the bottle until she's sleepy. I try not to let her go all the way to sleep, but sometimes, it's inevitable. I then take her upstairs and put her to bed. Promptly 2.5 hours later, she wakes screaming for a bottle. She downs almost the whole 7 ounces before (or while) passing out. I put her back to bed. She wakes again between 1 and 2am, screaming again. I give her a bottle and rock her back to sleep. She is usually awake by 6:30 when I have to get the girls up for daycare.
Hunter likes her crib. I know this because when she wakes for the day, she will contentedly lay there, playing with her hands or blankie or paci or whatever happens to be in the crib. She does not cry when I put her back in her crib after I've dressed her and while I get Lena up and dressed. She will go to sleep on her own in her crib with no issues. Most of the time. But, dammit, that kid will NOT soothe herself back to sleep when she wakes in the night.
So, the question is, what to do?? I'm really tired of getting up twice a night to feed/rock her back to sleep. I really love that time with her, but I NEED some full nights of sleep!
We are now trying 'sleep training' her, which as anyone who has tried it will tell you, just means to let her cry till she finally gives it up and goes to sleep. Night One went something like this: Feed Dinner, make bottle, change into jammies, rock and have bottle, read a story, to the bed. Where she cried. And cried. And screamed. And cried. While I tried to soothe her by telling her in my most soothing voice that "Mama's here, Hunter, it's time to go to bed now. Mama loves you Hunter. It's time to go to bed." 45 minutes later, I was able to wolf down some leftover pasta and have a beer (natch). I heard a few brief little whimpers before I went to bed at 9, but she was pretty much out. At 11pm, she woke up screaming bloody murder. I went in and tried to soothe her. I even picked her up and calmed her down, only to have her screaming again when I put her back in the crib. At 11:15, Justin gave up and gave her a bottle, had her completely asleep, and then she woke up as he was putting her down. After another half hour or so, she finally conked out. She slept through till 4:45am. This is definitely an improvement. From 4:45 till 6am, she screamed, despite my efforts to calmly soothe her. Finally, at 6am, I got her up for the day with our 'big wake-up.' Brought her downstairs, where she drank a bottle and ate some Cheerios while I resumed my morning routine. By the time we got to daycare at 7:20, of course she had fallen asleep in the car. I hope to goodness she sleeps at Shellie's today, so maybe she will sleep tonight. Here's hoping. And, I've got at least 2 more Summer Shandies in the fridge to help ME sleep better! :)
I really try to keep all of this in perspective, as there are many families dealing with much more eventful, serious things than lack of sleep. I wear my "Just Win, Ruby" bracelet as a constant reminder of this, even though it's just a red rubber band now... all the letters have long since washed down the drain. (For more information about Ruby, visit her website at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rubykahoun)
For now, I'm trying to keep it all together. Trying to stay awake at work. And trying, desperately, to figure out how to help Hunter sleep better! Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated!
Lena will beg to go to bed at 7pm, and sleep soundly until I have to rouse her at 6:30am for daycare. She takes 2-hour naps AT DAYCARE, and still is asleep almost every night by 7:30pm. She has been a very easy, heavy sleeper since day 1. Literally, we had to wake her up to feed her!
Hunter. NOT. SO. MUCH. We feed her anything she will eat (which is pretty much anything), at dinner, then get her a bottle before bed. I rock and feed her the bottle until she's sleepy. I try not to let her go all the way to sleep, but sometimes, it's inevitable. I then take her upstairs and put her to bed. Promptly 2.5 hours later, she wakes screaming for a bottle. She downs almost the whole 7 ounces before (or while) passing out. I put her back to bed. She wakes again between 1 and 2am, screaming again. I give her a bottle and rock her back to sleep. She is usually awake by 6:30 when I have to get the girls up for daycare.
Hunter likes her crib. I know this because when she wakes for the day, she will contentedly lay there, playing with her hands or blankie or paci or whatever happens to be in the crib. She does not cry when I put her back in her crib after I've dressed her and while I get Lena up and dressed. She will go to sleep on her own in her crib with no issues. Most of the time. But, dammit, that kid will NOT soothe herself back to sleep when she wakes in the night.
So, the question is, what to do?? I'm really tired of getting up twice a night to feed/rock her back to sleep. I really love that time with her, but I NEED some full nights of sleep!
We are now trying 'sleep training' her, which as anyone who has tried it will tell you, just means to let her cry till she finally gives it up and goes to sleep. Night One went something like this: Feed Dinner, make bottle, change into jammies, rock and have bottle, read a story, to the bed. Where she cried. And cried. And screamed. And cried. While I tried to soothe her by telling her in my most soothing voice that "Mama's here, Hunter, it's time to go to bed now. Mama loves you Hunter. It's time to go to bed." 45 minutes later, I was able to wolf down some leftover pasta and have a beer (natch). I heard a few brief little whimpers before I went to bed at 9, but she was pretty much out. At 11pm, she woke up screaming bloody murder. I went in and tried to soothe her. I even picked her up and calmed her down, only to have her screaming again when I put her back in the crib. At 11:15, Justin gave up and gave her a bottle, had her completely asleep, and then she woke up as he was putting her down. After another half hour or so, she finally conked out. She slept through till 4:45am. This is definitely an improvement. From 4:45 till 6am, she screamed, despite my efforts to calmly soothe her. Finally, at 6am, I got her up for the day with our 'big wake-up.' Brought her downstairs, where she drank a bottle and ate some Cheerios while I resumed my morning routine. By the time we got to daycare at 7:20, of course she had fallen asleep in the car. I hope to goodness she sleeps at Shellie's today, so maybe she will sleep tonight. Here's hoping. And, I've got at least 2 more Summer Shandies in the fridge to help ME sleep better! :)
I really try to keep all of this in perspective, as there are many families dealing with much more eventful, serious things than lack of sleep. I wear my "Just Win, Ruby" bracelet as a constant reminder of this, even though it's just a red rubber band now... all the letters have long since washed down the drain. (For more information about Ruby, visit her website at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rubykahoun)
For now, I'm trying to keep it all together. Trying to stay awake at work. And trying, desperately, to figure out how to help Hunter sleep better! Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Falling Down... With Kids...
So, the other morning, I fell down our stairs. Only about four steps, and I pretty much just slid on my butt, but it scared the bejesus out of me, as well as Lena. Our home was built in the late 1800s, so the stairs to the second floor are not exactly 'to code.' They are very, very steep, and my entire foot won't even fit on them... and my feet aren't THAT big! They are covered with carpet, which is a blessing as well as a curse. It's a blessing because the carpet does give us some purchase and grip, but it's a curse because it's a little slick sometimes. Like when I haven't vacuumed the stairs in a week (or two) (so sue me, it sucks to vacuum stairs). On our way down the steps (late for work, of course), I was carrying Hunter, and holding Lena's hand while she walked next to us when my foot slid and went out from under me. I slid on my butt for about four steps (I think). As soon as I came to a stop, Lena came tumbling down into my lap, head over ass. I was able to right her enough for her to sit on the step next to me (Hunter was totally fine in my arms the entire time), and we sat on the step and cried for a minute before moving again. Once we got to the dining room, I put Hunter in her carseat and picked Lena up to hold her for a minute... she was still a little hysterical and teary, and so was I. Lena was physically ok, but was still very upset (obviously). Once she calmed down enough to talk, the first thing she said was "Hunter, OK? Hunter? OK?" I think it's so sweet that the first thing she was concerned about was her little sister. How sweet is that? We are all fine, but it really scared me... I'm trying to be much more careful (and have Lena slide down on her butt).
On a much lighter note, Hunter gave me big belly laughs last night for the first time :) I love my girls!
On a much lighter note, Hunter gave me big belly laughs last night for the first time :) I love my girls!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Bear wrestling in his sleep? 3:30am musings... again
I think my husband wrestles bears in his sleep. I put clean sheets on the bed last night before going to bed... including fitted sheet, flat sheet, no less than six pillow cases, and the comforter. I don't do military corners or anything... I just tuck in the bottom of the sheet, and call it done. This morning, I woke up to the flat sheet all wadded up in the middle of the bed, and the comforter equally in a ball on his side. How does this happen? Seriously, do we have to tear apart the bed in the middle of the night? Trust me, there was to 'good' reason to tear the sheets off the bed.
How are the bears getting into the bed, and where do they go in the morning? Why do I never see or hear or wrestle the bears? Are they so stealthy that they only attack my husband, and leave me to my own peaceful-sleeping devices? Ok, I know that one's not true, cause we have a baby, so I don't usually sleep through the night. Is there anything that we can do to get rid of the bears? How long will they stay, and are they capable of doing laundry while they're here?
How are the bears getting into the bed, and where do they go in the morning? Why do I never see or hear or wrestle the bears? Are they so stealthy that they only attack my husband, and leave me to my own peaceful-sleeping devices? Ok, I know that one's not true, cause we have a baby, so I don't usually sleep through the night. Is there anything that we can do to get rid of the bears? How long will they stay, and are they capable of doing laundry while they're here?
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Is she a good baby?
Please allow me to vent a little...
Here's a list of questions you should never, ever ask a (new) mommy, as they are really none of your business, and will make me feel badly about myself simply because you asked.
1. Is she a good baby?
Really? What do you expect will be my answer? If I say 'yes, she's a great baby' that implies that I have everything together and she's been sleeping 'through the night' (whatever) since the day she was born. It also implies that she never cries, spits up, or shits her pants all over the place. However, if I say 'no, she's kind of a handful' that implies that I do not have it all together, and that this mommy thing is a little harder for me than everyone else.
I don't understand why EVERYONE (it seems) asks me this question. The only people who don't ask me this question are a) men (obviously), or b) women who either don't have kids, or haven't dealt with a newborn for the last 30 years.
Of course she's a good baby. Is there any other kind? When you're going through it, all you want to think about is how she'll be sleeping like a champ 'maybe tonight.' So stop asking if she's 'good.' Of course she is. She's perfect. In every way. And I dare you to challenge me on that.
2. Is she sleeping through the night yet?
First of all, it's not really any of your business how much sleep I'm getting (not much, actually... can you tell?)
The fact that you're asking means that I look like ass because I've been up all night with my infant. If she was sleeping through the night, I wouldn't look like the walking dead, and I wouldn't be clutching the giant coffee cup filled with awake-inducing strong-ass coffee.
And, what does 'through the night' really mean? 5 hours? 6? 8? With our first child, we had to wake her up to feed her... every three hours. Until she was two months old. Then, after the 'baby whisperer' Dr. Rice cleared us to let her sleep, she fell right into a 6, then 7, then 8, and finally a 12-hour night. That's right. My 18-mo-old sleeps 12 hours each night, and has since she was about 3 months old. It's awesome.
This one, not so much. We never had to wake her up to feed her, so she's not on much of a schedule yet (though I expect that to change very soon, with the addition of day care to our routine). We have had a few 5-hour stretches, but nothing consistent yet. We are praying that that changes as of Sunday night, as I have to go back to work on Monday (sad, sad face).
3. Are you nursing her?
You really want to know about my boobs? Cause you know that's where this conversation is going. I always feel like I have to launch into an explanation when I tell people that she's bottle-fed, with formula. But, I'm getting over it. Just like my nipples finally healed, I have come to terms with the fact that these big ole boobies just weren't cut out to be a food-delivery system. It's kind of nice that my husband (or the babysitter) can feed her without my having to feel like a cow hooked up to a milking machine first. And I thank God every day that we live in a time and place where we have access to wonderful alternatives to breastfeeding, cause it just didn't work out for us.
4. Are you ready to come back to work?
Um, no.
If I could be a SAHM for another year, I would.
Even if the answer was yes, I wouldn't tell you, because that would make me be the mom who wanted to get away from her children. Now might be a good time to say that both of my kids are at the babysitter's today, just so I can (maybe) take a frigging nap or shower without company. Anyway, no, I am not ready to go back to work yet. Yes, I like my job. Yes, I like my coworkers, even the middle-school ones. Yes, I have a very easy commute. It's not any of those things. I just really like being able to stay in my jammies all day and drink coffee whenever I want. I actually like doing laundry... it smells so good! (after it's done, of course)
5. (about Lena, 18 months) Have you started potty training?
I always want to say 'yes, but I'm really having a hard time pooping on the potty.' nuff said.
6. Wow, they're really close together... so, when are you going to have another one? or, are you going to have more?
My children are 17 months apart. And we like it that way. The part about having more? Nobody's business but mine and my husband's (and maybe the girls).
I have come to the conclusion that the (mostly) women who ask these questions really just want an opening to talk about their own experiences with their own children. And honestly, I don't care. If I want to know about your kids, I will ask.
Things it's always appropriate to say to a (new) mommy:
You look so skinny! Or any version of this.
Your skin/hair/nails looks amazing! Or any version of this.
Your girls are so sweet/adorable/well-behaved. Or any version of this.
I don't know how you do it. You are amazing. Or any version of this.
Your house is so clean (clearly either flat-out lying or delusional or maybe blind). But still a nice sentiment.
Let me help you with that (but only if you really mean it).
Can I get you a coffee? (but only if you really mean it and won't get annoyed with me for telling you my specific preferences)
Any sort of compliment is greatly appreciated, so just try to say something nice, and don't ask any stupid questions.
Thank you.
That is all.
For now.
Here's a list of questions you should never, ever ask a (new) mommy, as they are really none of your business, and will make me feel badly about myself simply because you asked.
1. Is she a good baby?
Really? What do you expect will be my answer? If I say 'yes, she's a great baby' that implies that I have everything together and she's been sleeping 'through the night' (whatever) since the day she was born. It also implies that she never cries, spits up, or shits her pants all over the place. However, if I say 'no, she's kind of a handful' that implies that I do not have it all together, and that this mommy thing is a little harder for me than everyone else.
I don't understand why EVERYONE (it seems) asks me this question. The only people who don't ask me this question are a) men (obviously), or b) women who either don't have kids, or haven't dealt with a newborn for the last 30 years.
Of course she's a good baby. Is there any other kind? When you're going through it, all you want to think about is how she'll be sleeping like a champ 'maybe tonight.' So stop asking if she's 'good.' Of course she is. She's perfect. In every way. And I dare you to challenge me on that.
2. Is she sleeping through the night yet?
First of all, it's not really any of your business how much sleep I'm getting (not much, actually... can you tell?)
The fact that you're asking means that I look like ass because I've been up all night with my infant. If she was sleeping through the night, I wouldn't look like the walking dead, and I wouldn't be clutching the giant coffee cup filled with awake-inducing strong-ass coffee.
And, what does 'through the night' really mean? 5 hours? 6? 8? With our first child, we had to wake her up to feed her... every three hours. Until she was two months old. Then, after the 'baby whisperer' Dr. Rice cleared us to let her sleep, she fell right into a 6, then 7, then 8, and finally a 12-hour night. That's right. My 18-mo-old sleeps 12 hours each night, and has since she was about 3 months old. It's awesome.
This one, not so much. We never had to wake her up to feed her, so she's not on much of a schedule yet (though I expect that to change very soon, with the addition of day care to our routine). We have had a few 5-hour stretches, but nothing consistent yet. We are praying that that changes as of Sunday night, as I have to go back to work on Monday (sad, sad face).
3. Are you nursing her?
You really want to know about my boobs? Cause you know that's where this conversation is going. I always feel like I have to launch into an explanation when I tell people that she's bottle-fed, with formula. But, I'm getting over it. Just like my nipples finally healed, I have come to terms with the fact that these big ole boobies just weren't cut out to be a food-delivery system. It's kind of nice that my husband (or the babysitter) can feed her without my having to feel like a cow hooked up to a milking machine first. And I thank God every day that we live in a time and place where we have access to wonderful alternatives to breastfeeding, cause it just didn't work out for us.
4. Are you ready to come back to work?
Um, no.
If I could be a SAHM for another year, I would.
Even if the answer was yes, I wouldn't tell you, because that would make me be the mom who wanted to get away from her children. Now might be a good time to say that both of my kids are at the babysitter's today, just so I can (maybe) take a frigging nap or shower without company. Anyway, no, I am not ready to go back to work yet. Yes, I like my job. Yes, I like my coworkers, even the middle-school ones. Yes, I have a very easy commute. It's not any of those things. I just really like being able to stay in my jammies all day and drink coffee whenever I want. I actually like doing laundry... it smells so good! (after it's done, of course)
5. (about Lena, 18 months) Have you started potty training?
I always want to say 'yes, but I'm really having a hard time pooping on the potty.' nuff said.
6. Wow, they're really close together... so, when are you going to have another one? or, are you going to have more?
My children are 17 months apart. And we like it that way. The part about having more? Nobody's business but mine and my husband's (and maybe the girls).
I have come to the conclusion that the (mostly) women who ask these questions really just want an opening to talk about their own experiences with their own children. And honestly, I don't care. If I want to know about your kids, I will ask.
Things it's always appropriate to say to a (new) mommy:
You look so skinny! Or any version of this.
Your skin/hair/nails looks amazing! Or any version of this.
Your girls are so sweet/adorable/well-behaved. Or any version of this.
I don't know how you do it. You are amazing. Or any version of this.
Your house is so clean (clearly either flat-out lying or delusional or maybe blind). But still a nice sentiment.
Let me help you with that (but only if you really mean it).
Can I get you a coffee? (but only if you really mean it and won't get annoyed with me for telling you my specific preferences)
Any sort of compliment is greatly appreciated, so just try to say something nice, and don't ask any stupid questions.
Thank you.
That is all.
For now.
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